I've heard 'Despacito' countless times in the last six months at ballparks, in bars and emanating from other people's cars. It's undoubtedly the most ubiquitous new song of 2017 so far.
In fact, it just became the most-viewed YouTube video ever, surpassing the classic Wiz Khalifa tune 'See You Again' at more than 3 billion views.
But out of all those views, none of them are mine. 'Despacito' has frequently graced my ears, but never my eyes.
In celebration of the song's new standing, I am watching a music video despite the year being 2017, not 1998. I'm a little shook that they even make music videos still.
It looks like this version (the one with THREE BILLION views) is sans Bieber, which is probably a good thing. Here we go.
The ocean looks so perfect from here in Arizona.
Luis Fonsi does not like sleeves. Daddy Yankee loves hats.
They are both in love with a beautiful woman who has beautiful hair and some very strange sandals.
It doesn't seem they have an issue sharing a love for the same person, which is nice. After all, the video is only 4:41 long, not enough time to get into a jealous fight, or at least a good one.
It's pretty clear she's more interested in Luis than Yankee. Probably because of the hats. Except she smooched the old man with the hat so that theory's out the window.
But it does look like they're all having a lot of fun hanging with their friends in the streets as people tend to do in music videos. The generations have overcome their differences to play cards and sing through the magic of music!
Things escalate quite a bit as our protagonists enter a dark club. It's Sexy Dancing Time. This is no place for older folks, apparently.
The lady walks in, hair even more voluminous than before, in a tight and expensive-looking dress. Luis is now cosmopolitan lumberjack. Daddy Yankee got a worse hat and a jean shirt.
So many young people are dancing way better than anyone possibly could in real life.
Luis and the unnamed woman with many necklaces start dancing quite intimately, intercut with shots of Luis alone shouting his lyrics progressively more passionately.
They are now IN LOVE!!!
Daddy Yankee is happy with his newfound friendship with Luis. Nobody knows what happened to the boy with the birds from the beginning, and that is OK.
All the Millennials are performing and dancing a capella because this song is so damn infectious.
Fade to black.